8-31-2022 Update - Holy hell!

Hello All,

 

This past week has been one of the worst since I began chemotherapy.  After our last update, everything turned to shit!  Wednesday day I was feeling pretty blah, just couldn’t get my nausea or stomach to feel any sort of comfort.  Wednesday evening I started to throw up making me weak on Thursday (with still the same blah feelings and stomach discomfort issues).  On top of this, I was having trouble sleeping, which wasn’t helping my overall mood.  I spoke to the nurse Thursday morning, she gave me some new meds to help with the acid in my stomach as well as an even stronger anti-nausea med that also helps with sleep.  Thursday night rolled around and again, I threw up.  On top of that my head was so fuzzy, I just didn’t feel right.  Chris called the after hours doctor at Keck and he gave us 3 options: go to the ER to get fluids, get another prescription for a heavier dose of anti-nausea med or wait until the morning and go into Keck for fluids.  We opted for the last option.  The good news with all of this was that the new meds to help with sleep, actually have worked and I’ve been able to get a good 7-8 hours of solid sleep vs my 3-5 hours of broken sleep with the Ambien.  

 

Friday morning I had 2 hours worth of fluids and anti-nausea meds.  While sitting at the appointment, I threw up again.  After the fluids I started to feel better, but was put on a ‘bland diet’ as chemo has really taken a toll on my stomach, esophagus and GI tract.  I constantly feel a pit in my stomach, have to eat small meals every 2 hours and never feel like my stomach is settled.  Saturday and Sunday resulted in the same routine – but at Hoag and both mornings at 7am.  So this past weekend we were on our way to Hoag at 6:30am for my 2 hour appointments to get fluids and anti-nausea meds.  After each round of fluids and anti-nausea meds, I felt better, but my diet has remained bland to try to not agitate my stomach even further – nothing flavorful, nothing spicy, basically toast, rice with broth, bland chicken, crackers, and Pedialyte has been the easiest.  

 

Monday rolled around and off I went for a follow up appointment with Dr. Vandermolen’s nurse.  She answered a lot of my questions and told me that basically what I am going through is very normal for the end of treatments.  My body is just consuming so much poison that it’s all catching up with me.  I need to get my eating slowly back on track by expanding my bland diet to include more fiber, as you can imagine without any fiber what happens to your poopin’ patterns (which also contributes to nausea), and to continue to take the new meds to help ease the acid in my stomach.  On top of this, my white blood cells had drastically declined so a short acting white cell booster shot was given to me on Monday to help fight off any infection.  It was a good appointment, but I was still feeling deflated and just anxious for the next treatment.  

 

Tuesday rolls around, I get everything ready for my 13thtreatment.  I have a really hard time sleeping the night before each treatment, I’m anxious and fear that they won’t be able to complete treatment due to my blood work plus just nervous for how I’ll feel post treatment as it’s getting harder and harder the further along I go.  So we head into see Dr. Vandermolen first, he asks how I am doing and I reply with ‘hanging in there.’  Typically I reply with good, but after these past few days I really feel like I am hanging in there.  He does his normal check of my lymph nodes, heart and legs and starts to ask me questions about how I’ve been feeling and what’s been going on.  I immediately start crying and telling him how this week has been hard with all the side effects, he listens and says, ‘I think we need to give you the week off to feel better.’  This is EXACTLY what I was hoping for.  Just a few days to try to get my stomach back on track, get my head back into a stronger space so I can finish out these last 4 treatments and just a small blip of feeling normal.  Dr. Vandermolen thought I was going to fight him on this and he was pleasantly surprised I did not – this is what I had wanted before I walked into the office, I had even written it in my journal a few nights before, that I would welcome a little break.  So he told me to focus on getting my food back on track as much as possible, get some rest, get some walks in, enjoy the outside and enjoy the long weekend.  So, with that I gladly walked out of that office without completing treatment #13.  I was so grateful he looked at me as a whole person vs just as a patient – he could see that it was beyond just how I felt physically, but mentally I am/was drained.  He reassured me that this week delay doesn’t impact how productive the treatments are overall.  

 

So overall, I am thankful I get a week off, but of course still anxious and in my head about these last 4 treatments.  I so badly want this to be over (as I know my husband and family do), but I fear that these next 4 weeks of treatment will be like this last week and that terrifies me.  I know the outcome of treatment will be positive and exactly what needs to happen, but getting there is still a long road ahead.  Chris taking time off from work could not have come at a better time.  Having him close by is such a relief because this past week has truly been tough and I’ve needed him more than ever before.  I’m physically exhausted, mentally drained and emotionally a wreck – lets hope these next 4 weeks go by as smooth as possible.

Love,

Lauren

8-24-2022 Update - Four more to go!

August 24, 2022

Lauren is down to four more treatments and then she can kiss chemotherapy goodbye. 

 

It has been a few weeks since we have seen Dr. Vandermolen face to face, but we have seen his nursing staff to address any side effects from the chemo medicine. This past Tuesday, we went directly to the infusion center for a longer than normal session due to the addition of Keytruda. The infusion appointment began at 8:30 AM with the usual blood draw to make sure Lauren’s numbers are within range.  When the nurse came back to us with the results, it showed that Lauren’s counts have decreased again, in particular her hemoglobin and white blood count.  It was within range to start treatment, but again the nurse was concerned that another blood transfusion might be necessary before the end of all treatments.  We will probably know more going into next weeks treatment whether Lauren will need a blood transfusion or not, but considering her hemoglobin went from 11.4 to 9.4 in a week and the limit before a blood transfusion is below an 8 is it’s a sign that the chemo is taking a toll.

 

In my opinion, Lauren has been taking a beating from these weekly treatments compared to the beginning when they were every other week. It just seems like her body doesn’t have a chance to recover between infusion sessions.  The side effects have remained the same, which include:

·       Constant fatigue

·       Loss of appetite / inconsistent food likes

·       Nausea

·       Heartburn

·       Irregular sleep patterns

·       Menopause symptoms

·       Emotional rollercoaster, respectfully and expected

·       Inability to have a glass of wine (booooooooo)

Who would want to have chemotherapy after seeing those side effects?  I sure as hell wouldn’t, and I can only judge what I see on the outside, but I can see her fighting everyday to try to live a “normal” life, whatever “normal” is at this point, both our lives have changed.

 

One thing that came back to mind from Lauren’s call with the nutritionist last week was something that she said about people going through chemotherapy and are in the home stretch for completion. The nutritionist stated that many people tend to give up and stop treatment because of all the shitty things that happen to your body.  With me taking some time off, it has given me the opportunity to be that annoying voice in Lauren’s ear to remind her to stay strong and that it’s almost over.  I need her and she needs me. 

 

More to come after we meet with Dr. Vandermolen next week and have an update on Lauren’s blood count and if treatment #4 can presume next Tuesday.  But 75% done and its an uphill/downhill battle the next few weeks.

Chris

Chris here. Just a brief update before we get into Lauren’s awesome post about genetic testing and what we have learned going through this process. Lauren is down to five remaining chemo sessions. No new updates from Dr. Vandermolen at this point.  Lauren has been having a hard time with food trying to figure out what tastes good, or what agrees with her stomach.  We had a call with the nutritionist to see if she had any recommendations on caloric intake, protein, and what to eat more of, or avoid, when it comes to fruits and vegetables.  The nutritionist suggested Lauren try Kefir for additional protein, but that did not fare well. For the first time since starting chemo, Lauren’s stomach did not agree with it and we will just leave it at that. 

I have decided to take some time off from work to focus my attention on Lauren during the last few chemo sessions because there is no consistency with everything; that includes food intake, being nauseated, fatigue, etc.  I had to step away from the stressors of work temporarily to make sure my stress doesn’t fall onto Lauren because that more stress is the last thing she needs.  Overall, plugging away. Tuesday will be treatment 12 and we’ll share an update again soon.

411: Genetics – From Lauren

I thought it would be important to share what I’ve learned about genetics and genetic testing.  This is what I’ve gathered from discussions with a few different doctors and genetic counselors.  Keep in mind I do not Google anything unless I don’t understand a word, but nothing in regards to my Cancer, treatments or outcomes has been Googled and all of this information is what has been shared with me.

First, my mom, maternal grandmother and sister have all tested. First person tested was my mom, who we confirmed is the carrier of the BRCA gene. Once we confirmed that my mom has BRCA, the next people to test were my grandma (since my grandpa passed, we can’t test him!) and my sister. Having my grandma tested helps to guide which side of the family needs to be made aware of the results, either her nieces/nephews or my grandpa’s nieces/nephews.  My grandma and my sister’s results came back and concluded that they are both negative for the BRCA gene.  This basically means that my maternal grandpa was the BRCA carrier in our family.  Thanks grandpa, you really left your mark 

So, based on these results my mom will begin high screening for breast cancer more regularly than in the past and has already undergone a hysterectomy this week for preventative measures.  My grandma and sister will not do anything different in terms of screening since they are not carriers of the gene. 

Here is what I know/understand about the BRCA gene.

• You have a 50/50 chance of receiving this gene from your mother or father, if they are a carrier.
• If received, your chance of breast cancer goes from 12% (reminder that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer over the course of their life) to 65-80%…holy shit! 
• If received, after a mastectomy your chances of breast cancer reoccurrence is about 1-4%.  I've heard of countless women who have had recurrences (different forms of their original breast cancer diagnosis), seems like stats change with research here pretty regularly and I did not ask those Women if they had mastectomies or not (I kind of don't want to know).  
• If received, your chance of ovarian cancer goes from 1-2% to 25%, again holy shit. However, if you’ve taken birth control for 5+ years your chances decrease about 50%…silver lining, but still high.
• If received and you have children, they won’t test your children until they are 18 because 1) let your kids be kids, but 2) kids do not develop these types of cancers, so better to wait until they are older and can make the best choice for themselves.
• If you do not receive this gene, you cannot carry it to your children, even if it runs in your family.
• There are 2 forms of the BRCA gene, 1 and 2. Each carry’s a higher risk for certain cancers.  I am BRCA-2, again making me more susceptible to breast cancer, ovarian cancer, melanoma, prostate cancer (not something I need to worry about!), and pancreatic cancer. You can only get 1 or 2, not both mutations…phew!  
• Even if you aren’t a Ashkenazi Jew you can still carry the BRCA gene, it just happens to be more prevalent in Eastern decent Jews for some reason. 1 in 400 people carry the BRCA gene and then 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jews carry the BRCA gene. 

So all in all after everything I have learned about genetics and the BRCA gene, I have some very serious questions.

• Why in the hell does no one ask you about your family history when you are younger, say 18 when they should start testing, specific to genealogy?  Those forms you fill out at the doctor’s office talking about your family history are pretty lame when you think about it and think about the fact that no doctor (at least in my experience) really gets into the details - I wonder if they even read it once you fill out all of that paperwork!
• Why does no doctor educate you or explain these things to you when you start to go in during your young adulthood to explain these percentages and start to talk about genetic testing, let alone genetics, let alone the high rates of breast cancer in women?
• Why does it take me getting Breast Cancer to then spark a conversation with doctors to then have my family checked?  I mean, your welcome family for paving the way, but come on medical people….why put someone through all of this if you can prevent any aspect and lower their risks? I found this lump in December and no one thought to start genetic testing on me back then. It took 5 months and a positive breast cancer diagnosis for my surgeon to start these tests, I’m so grateful she did but how come my own gynecologist didn’t start these back in December? Oh, because I said no family of breast cancer?! We’ll, that doesn’t have to be the case, there are countless women who are the first in their families!
• They can remove or identify certain genes or medical conditions during pregnancy, why can’t they identify this one? Why can’t they remove it? 
• Life insurance policies won't cover you if you come to them after a diagnosis (they consider it a pre-existing condition), they consider these genetic results pre-existing conditions - how does that make sense?  I didn't choose these genes, so why punish me?!
• They say women are supposed to wait until they are 40 for a mammogram, but seriously?! Cancer obviously doesn’t know your age, case in point I was diagnosed 3 days before my 38th birthday and have talked to countless women who were diagnosed younger than me.  Granted my genetics have played a part in this and I am sure if I didn’t have these genes I would be on the path of annual mammograms starting at 40, but still. Which by the way, women if you have no history of Breast Cancer in your family and are not a BRCA carrier, get your mammogram at 40 and do it annually!
• Chris and I are in the process of looking for a new general practitioner and when I brought up my diagnosis to the doctor we were interviewing she asked me if I had any family history of breast cancer, when I told her no and how I was surprised no one did genetic testing sooner, she told me…’we don’t really have a reason to test if there is no history.’ Ok, fine, but again how come no one did more questioning to determine that based on my family history I would need to be tested and also lady, when this impacts 1 in 8 women in the US AND 1 in 7 women in Orange County you’d think something would be done? Needless to say, she isn’t going to be our doctor!

With all of that, these are all things I think about, ask about and want to continue to make others educated about because no one told me any of this until my diagnosis.  Just like I want to educate you on the realities of living with cancer and going through chemo, my hope is that what I’ve learned about genetic testing only gives you more ammo to either fight for yourself or fight for me!

 

8/10/2022 Update – Blood Transfusion & Treatment #10

WOW, yesterday (8/9/2022) was a day, a really long one at that.  My transfusion appointment was scheduled for 8am at Hoag in Newport, so of course we arrived right on time.  We went in with no expectations other than for me to have more energy post transfusion. They took me back, Chris could not come, at around 8:15.  Re-drew my blood to determine what my blood type was to match me with a donor.  The nurse told us this process takes about 15 minutes on a normal day, but of course, they were having issues at the lab and it took 1.5 hours to get my results back.  So here we are, it’s now 10am and we are told that the entire transfusion process will take 2 hours per bag, and I need 2 bags, so expect to be done around 2:30pm.  2:30pm rolls around and I am itching to go, but of course my last bag isn’t complete.  The nurses then realize that the saline bag had somehow switched over and the blood transfusion had stopped, soooo back we go to the blood bag, leaving me there an additional hour to complete. An additional 2 hours of sitting around waiting yesterday made me exhausted and agitated.  Post transfusion I was feeling better, but waking up this morning I felt A LOT better.  No head fuzzies, no shortness of breath just going up and down our stairs, the transfusion gave me the energy I needed.

The facility at Hoag was noisy, crowded and hard to get some rest even with the Benadryl they had given me, I had a really hard time relaxing as the energy there wasn’t the peaceful Keck I am used to.  Plus, they checked my vitals after the first 15 minutes of each new bag and then again, every hour.  It definitely wasn’t Keck and I missed the nurses that I’ve become so comfortable with.  However, the nurse I got must have been fate.  Her name was Sherry and she was so sweet.  We got to talking and she told me she was diagnosed in November 2021 with Triple Negative Breast Cancer, just like me, and had finished her treatments in April with her surgery in May and had only been back to work for about 6 weeks.  It was really nice to talk to someone who has recently gone through this, we swapped stories of food issues, emotions, how we countdown every little thing, etc, etc.  I was grateful I could have a nurse that could actually relate to how I was feeling.  She told me she had a blood transfusion around week 10 of her treatments and then didn’t have to have one again, so hopefully that is the one and only time I’ll need one during the remainder of my 6 treatments, but I am glad I did it because it helped me feel a lot better and all I want is to feel as normal as possible.

 

Fast forward to today, treatment #10 is COMPLETE, 6 more to go!  Getting there and making steps forward, that’s all I can ask for.  Finally, I’ve made it to the double digits.  I walked in to treatment today with color in my face and energy I haven’t felt in weeks.  The nurses were so happy to see that I was doing better that when they drew my blood before the infusion, they were shocked that my hemoglobin count went from 7.6 to 11!  Apparently, it’s normal to jump 1-2 points, but to nearly double that goal was exactly what they wanted to see.  My mom took me to treatment today, was an excellent nurse and got me snacks and made sure I was ok, and of course told me she loved me along the way.  It was a bit longer of a treatment today, there were delays in the pharmacy in getting my meds so they didn’t actually start my infusion until about 2:45pm.  I’ll be curious how this coming week treats me now that I’ve had the transfusion and will be documenting all the things.  

 

This week has been draining, physically and mentally tough, but I am reminded of my creed and embracing it’s every word.  I’ve been reading a quote each morning and the other day was about moving forward and that’s exactly what I am doing, moving forward – checking the days off, checking the treatments off – making progress and trying not to look back.

 

All my love,

Lauren

8-8-2022 Update - Just a minor speed bump

Hi everyone,

 

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

 

Being that we didn’t provide an update last week, this blog entry will be a combination of last week’s visit with Dr. Vandermolen and an update from today.  Lauren did have a little setback today which prevented her from receiving her infusion, but I will cover that later in this post.

 

8-1-2022

The morning started off like any other trip to Keck Medicine for her infusion session.  This morning, we were scheduled to meet with Dr. Vandermolen for a routine checkup.  No real significant updates from the doctor other than telling Lauren she is doing great.  No concerns were brought up by Dr. Vandermolen and again, he didn’t screen for the tumor.  Just the basic stethoscope to the back to check on breathing, and a glance at her legs for swelling and a check on some lymph nodes, I’m assuming.  The doctor’s visit ended with Lauren addressing her sleeping concerns and Dr. Vandermolen reaffirming her usage of Ambien, and that he wants to see her in two weeks.  So far so good.

 

I left Keck Medicine to finish up some work at home and this time it was Lauren’s mom to stick around to be with her during treatment.  Treatment time from start to finish was a little longer than the previous week as Keytruda (immunotherapy) was administered.  As the week went by, Lauren had her ups and downs when doing basic things around the house or even during our evening walks.  She would get winded easily or would feel slightly lightheaded even with light levels of activity.  We both just chalked it up to the medicine affecting her body’s ability to extract oxygen from breathing.  

 

We are almost to today.

 

The weekly infusions have been a bear on Lauren compared to when they were occurring bi-weekly.  With the bi-weekly infusions, they wreaked havoc on Lauren physically and mentally, but at least there was time for her to recover until the next session.  During the off weeks of her bi-weekly infusions, I would say she was almost 100% in being able to do the things she wanted to do, eat what she wanted to eat, and even have an occasional sip of wine at dinner.  These weekly infusions, despite the medicine not being as “harsh”, just don’t seem to allow Lauren the time to recover between appointments.  Her energy levels have been extremely low because we know that she will feel lightheaded or nauseous and it’s hard to see her in this position even from just a walk around the block.  

 

And here we are to today, 8-8-2022.

 

As we have mentioned before, Keck Medicine performs a blood panel before every infusion to ensure her numbers are in an acceptable range for her body to accept the chemo medicine.  Today, Lauren’s hemoglobin numbers were low, low enough that the nurses were not comfortable in moving forward with treatment today.  The next course of action will be tomorrow, where Lauren will undergo a blood transfusion at Hoag Hospital to help bump up her numbers.  Is this the news we wanted to hear today, absolutely not, but we both knew that this might happen, especially since her numbers just don’t seem to be rebounding as fast as we had hoped for.  So, as it currently stands, the blood transfusion will be tomorrow, and Lauren’s new infusion days will be on Wednesday.  The silver lining to this is that Lauren should be feeling great tomorrow with added nutrients and additional red blood cells in her system, additionally the nurse said that if she hasn’t needed a blood transfusion until this point in time, she’s doing pretty good and hopefully this will be the only one she needs, but only time will tell.  

 

I will try to get two additional updates this week covering her blood transfusion tomorrow and the blood results going into Wednesday’s infusion treatment.

 

Thanks for everyone’s patience and the continued support.

 

Love,

 

Chris

7-31-2022 Update

Another month down! I have now completed 4 of 12 sessions for these new meds. Overall I am 50% complete with chemo (8 of 16 rounds done), 60% if you count it in weeks and 84 days in…but who’s counting?!😬🤷🏼‍♀️😂  I am trying not to get too focused on how many days or weeks are left and focus on the number of treatments since each time I go in for treatment, it’s never a guarantee based on how my blood work is. The morning of treatments I am anxious for whether I’ll be able to complete the treatment or not, my body has little time to recover in between so it’s always nerve wracking when I go in. They now ask me my stress levels prior to treatment and when they asked last week, I said it was a 5, with 10 being the max. I thought this was a good neutral answer considering a 5 is how I feel the mornings of and then it drops to probably a 1 post, little did I know a 5 makes them question if you need to talk to a therapist. We’ll, I quickly replied that I have talked to her a few times and the topic was dropped, now I know never say 5 unless I am consistently stressed, which I am not!  I read books, watch shows, color, work on my puzzle - there’s nothing stressful about that! I’ve slowed down and tried to allow my body to rest so my stress levels are light. 

This past week was a little rough as I have gotten more and more tired. I’ve learned that Tuesday - Thursday are the hardest.  Tuesdays I am exhausted because I haven’t slept the night before from all the chemo meds, even with the help of Ambien I am lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep.  Wednesday’s and Thursday's I am tired and very emotional (poor Chris gets lots of tears) from lack of sleep, menopause and just the want for this to be over so I can feel normal again.  Friday - Sunday I feel pretty good, just have funny food issues, and continue to work through what tastes decent vs good. Fruits, particularly mangoes, plums and peaches have been my favorite. Lots of smoothies and soft pretzels are another go to. My energy levels on these days are slightly better but I still get winded and try not to overdo it throughout the day. 

My eyelashes have fallen out and there are very few left now and my eyebrows have thinned out quite a bit, luckily, I still have some dye on my brows from when I had microblading done a few years that I can pencil them in easily. The rest of the hair on my body doesn’t grow and shaving my legs is probably done once a week, with an electric razor so I don’t cut myself, and honestly not sure it even does anything when I use it. I had to stop with the waterpark because it made my gums bleed, so that was a bit of a bummer, but at least I can still brush my teeth!

Chris and I had a picnic at a local park last night, watched the sunset and enjoyed the evening. It was nice to get out of the house; we’ll try to make this our new date nights until this is over and I can eat normally and am not a walking immunity risk, as I’ve said before I’m doing everything I can not to delay this any longer than I need to!  We had planned to take the Jeep out, but it is now out of commission for a bit, poor Chris, think good thoughts that it gets fixed soon…for both of our sake’s!  For those that don’t know, this was his 40th birthday present, he has a love/hate relationship with it while I have a pure love for it, but I am not the one busting my knuckles, burning myself and cursing at it, so when something goes right on it, I’m happy and so is he. She’s 37 years old, she’s not a spring chicken!

That’s all for now, thanks again for all the check ins and support. Sending our love!

 

Lauren (and Chris)

July 22 Update

 7-21-2022 Update

 

Hi, it’s Chris!

 

Lauren signed up for a walk in Newport for October 23, with the hopes that by then she’ll be done with treatment and can participate.  It’s through the American Cancer Society and is to support Breast Cancer research.  The goal is to be able to complete the walk, but Lauren understands that it might not be in the cards for her considering it could be so soon after treatment, so she’ll be recruiting whoever would like to participate in the walk and share in case you have the time to support her and Cancer research.  It is a fundraiser and of course we aren’t people who like to ask for money, but for once in our life, we are going to ask for you to support the research that has gone into freeing Lauren of Cancer.  If you’d like to join the walk, save the date!  If you’d like to support Cancer research, donate here:  Making Strides Against Breast Cancer - Lauren Yerkes

 

NO PRESSURE!  We don’t want money or sympathy; we just want this to be over and past us so we can go on with our lives and are grateful for funding that has already gone into making Lauren better.

 

It’s Friday!  Another treatment down for Lauren, one baby step close to a sense of normalcy in the Yerkes household.  This post will be two parts.  The first part will be about Lauren and how she is doing, how things are progressing thus far, and what’s to come.  The second part I will talk about me and how it’s been thus far.  It is up to you if you choose to read it or not.

 

Monday the 18^th

 

It’s been a little over three months since we first started writing about Lauren’s cancer diagnosis and more than two months since she started chemotherapy.  There is no sense of time for us.  Lauren and I often talk about how this process is taking forever, but then we think about how far we are into the process and how fast this whole process took over our lives at a lightning pace.  

 

Monday, we started the day speaking to Dr. Vandermolen prior to Lauren’s infusion.  It was a rather quick meeting just to check up on Lauren to see how she has been doing and to address a few questions Lauren had during the weekly infusion treatments.  No measurements were done, we assumed it’s due to the fact it cannot be accurately measured at this point.  The weekly infusions are different medications, which comes with different side effects, and we are having to adjust accordingly.  Have I told you I really like grilled cheeses?

 

Infusion went well, no real issues the day of, and luckily the time we spent at the clinic was one of the shorter visits since this whole process started.  Lauren did experience more than normal bouts of nausea this week compared to last week and the week prior.  Adjusting to her energy levels and the more frequent occurrences of nausea has put me on a heightened level of making sure she’s okay.  Nolan, Eric, & Darwyn, if you’re reading this, thank you so much for being so flexible with me at work.  I can’t thank you guys enough for the support.

Benadryl working gooooooood.

I have noticed that Lauren’s appetite has changed dramatically since the weekly infusions have started.  She seems to be more sensitive to smells and tastes compared to when she was on the bi-weekly medications, and there is a lingering metallic like taste in her mouth that she just can’t seem to shake.  There have been a few times where we have started to cook dinner and midway through, I can sense there is something not right with her.  After asking the same question “are you feeling okay” a thousand times, Lauren finally admits that the smell or taste of the food is upsetting her stomach.  We usually resort to scrapping whatever we were cooking and end up with a cheese quesadilla, or luckily my favorite, grilled cheeses.  Did I mention that I like a grilled cheese, really, I do!  We are constantly trying new things that are compatible with her wonky taste buds, and despite me complaining that there seems to be a never-ending flow of grocery delivers from Instacart, we just take it in stride and try something until it works.

 

Lauren is finally starting to get some decent sleep with the help of Ambien to counteract the steroids in the most recent medication.  The sleep issues, although it was apparent in the previous infusions, was not nearly as bad as it is with this medication.  Countless restless nights that were affecting her emotionally and physically.  The Ambien seems to be working so well that when I caught some scum trying to break into our truck, Lauren woke up to me yelling at the two guys.  When she asked what was going on, I told her that I caught two guys trying to break into the truck and I scared them off.  The next morning, Lauren had no clue what had happened until I mentioned it to her.  What a trip.

 

If you care to read about my experiences as a husband going through this, I would appreciate it, and please note that I am not trying to undermine the fight Lauren is going through, it’s just that I have been rather quiet as to what’s going on in my head for those who routinely ask me how I am doing.  For the few who know me, I am a rather quite guy who tends to keep to himself, but will openly engage in a conversation about anything, and I always try to make people laugh.  I will be frank about this; it is not easy being a husband whose wife is going through a life changing event.  Although Lauren is the one who is experiencing it mentally and physically, it’s affecting everyone who is connected to her.  It’s mentally and emotionally taxing, and never in my life would I have imagined that I would be in this position, and as much as I wished this would have never happened, I am willing to do anything and fight until she is better again.  For those who haven’t gone through this, we have witnessed it vicariously online, in the media, movies & TV, and perhaps you may know someone who has battled cancer but fighting it firsthand is an entirely different experience.

 

What I find the hardest for us is the inability to live life how we did before Lauren was diagnosed with cancer.  We have never lived a lavish lifestyle, that has never been our MO, but we do enjoy our date nights to dinner when we didn’t feel like cooking, taking mini vacations, or even seeing our friends and extended family.  All of this has come to an abrupt stop, and it’s been a hell of a hard time accepting it.  When I finally dropped off social media it pained me because I loved showing my love and support of my wife and the admiration for each other.  When I created the Instagram account to share with whoever was interested in our journey, it’s hard not to notice everyone else enjoying life cancer free.  It hurts.  I stay home as much as possible because I want to be there for Lauren if she’s not feeling well or is needing me, but most importantly, I don’t want to catch anything that may cause her to get sick which will lead to treatment being push back, further prolonging this process.

 

There are a million other things I could talk about, but for now, I just wanted to skim the surface and let people know what I am thinking about as I go through this process with Lauren.  If my responses come back short or extremely delayed, please do not take offense to it or think I do not appreciate it, I really do.  Sometimes I just need to think about my response, but most importantly, I might be doing something at the time to help Lauren out and I just can’t get to my phone. 

 

We will get a new post up sooner after her next treatment this coming Monday.  Have a great weekend everyone.  I will be busting my knuckles, bleeding, bruised, swearing at my Jeep as I work on for the next two days.

Love,

Chris

Yerkes, at your service.

Lesson #2: Service. 

Plus a few updates. 

If you know me well enough you know I am a people pleaser, a service person, someone who is always trying to make someone else happy. I didn’t think I’d be able to do that once diagnosed - I wouldn’t have the energy to bake for people, to provide the level of support and share ideas at work that I’ve always loved, and most importantly to be able to truly do everything at home to help my husband. Which also, side note, my husband is the same (we both get this trait from our wonderful mothers) and aim to please.

What I’ve learned though through countless conversations, phone calls, and text messages is that I am still a service person, still giving to people but now in a new way. A way that is what I think more impactful, deeper and ultimately making me more proud than mastering that perfect cookie, being the best boss/employee or being the wife that cooks, does the laundry, makes sure the fridge is stocked or we have things to do on the weekends.

The messages and calls I’ve received have shown me that I am giving in other ways right now.

- You make me/us so proud. 

- You are my hero.

- You’ve inspired me to take more pictures, to embrace the day, to go to the doctors.

- You are teaching me (and my kids) to be brave and strong.

- You’ve reminded me that happiness is something you create, it doesn’t happen to you.

- I am so lucky to be in your life.

- I think about you all the time.

I could go on and I don’t share this to brag, that’s not my nature and those that know me know I don’t brag, but I share to explain how someone whose focused so much on servicing others through tangible things that now my intangible actions are impactful and for that I am really fucking (excuse my French) proud.  I’ve always wanted to make a difference in someone’s life, whether that be personally or professionally and with these messages I feel like I am doing just that.  I want to be someone’s hero, to make them proud of themselves or someone else and to inspire them to be strong.  I am not here to make change with things I can’t control (that’s the doctors job right now) I’m here to make change in how I approach my life and those that I touch on a daily basis. To appreciate the little things, to make you value your relationships and to cherish your health, and lastly to remind you that there is always a light at the end of every tunnel. 

And also….what I love about most of this is that these messages don’t just stop with me, they often times are about Chris too! People continue to tell me how strong he is, how articulate he is when explaining all of this medical jargon that they feel like they are apart of our journey and understand what is happening, how inspiring he is with how he brings laughter to the their day and perseveres as a supportive and loving husband. This is Chris, he wants to help, wants to educate, wants to laugh and make others laugh. 

We are The Yerkes, at your service ☺️.

So this is my lesson for the day, I am still servicing, but in other ways.  I learn something new everyday about myself, my cancer, life, relationships, etc and I didn’t think my first lesson on Happiness would continue to spark so many other learnings that would help me to think about things beyond one instance, but it has and I hope that it continues so I can keep sharing. Lesson #3 is already cultivating and I’ll share once I have all the facts, but it’s purely that…factual and hopefully insightful.

And updates regarding treatment and side effects. I have completed #2 of 12 with my weekly meds! We met with Dr. Vandermolen yesterday as well. He did a brief check on my lymph nodes, legs (to make sure there is no swelling), side effect check/questions answered and sent me upstairs for my infusion. 

1. Weekly meds so far seem to be much easier to manage. 

2. Sleeping is still a challenge and I’ve now hit pre-menopause, which we knew would happen, so the night sweats are suuuper fun.

3. Nausea is much better, I had one day of it last week vs 5-7 days of it on the previous meds.

4. Metallic tastes are more apparent with these meds, thanks to the Carboplatin.

5. The bone pain I experienced late last week was not due to the Newlasta shot I would receive during the previous meds but is now due to a side effect of Taxol and should subside after a few treatments as my body gets used to it. This one seems so minor but when I take a shower, want a hug or get the smallest embrace, my shoulder blades and even through my jaw, its extremely sensitive. 

6. The feeling of heavy legs is a side effect of these new meds, I’m just being cautious especially when getting up and down stairs so as not to fall.

7. I can get a water pick (yahoo!) since I can’t floss my teeth.

8. As each week progresses they’ll continue to monitor my white blood cells and my ANC to make sure I don’t hit neutropenia. If anything drops below the norm this will delay my treatment and also create more trips up to Keck for blood checks. 

That’s it for now! We’ll update again soon.  Lots of love, Lauren

OMG and, I wanted to share because it made me a happy girl this weekend! We spent the evening at my sister and brother in laws house on Saturday and our niece and nephew made me Happy (lesson #1 captured). You can’t tell in this picture but my head is covered in blonde baby hairs that don’t grow past maybe 1/4”. Chris and my sister have now called me Baby Bird. Kane also told me, ‘hey, put your hair back on lady’ 😂, thanks Bubba for the laugh! And both kids enjoyed rubbing my head and taking my head scarf and asking if they could mimic being bald 😜, being a cowboy, a bank robber, a rockstar, etc. 

July 7 Update

 7-7-2022 Update

Happy July to everyone.  Hope everyone had a great holiday spending time with friends and family and came out unscathed with all limbs and appendages intact.  Lauren and I spent the holiday enjoying our new outdoor dining table umbrella and I barbequed a nice fillet for me and some nasty sea creature (shrimp) for Lauren, played a little Jenga giant, and prepared for Lauren’s Tuesday’s infusion.  From this point on, for the next twelve sessions, Lauren will be having an infusion once a week versus once every other week.  The anxiousness of the new treatment plan weighed on us as we became accustomed to the regiment of infusions occurring every other week, a few days of her feeling like shit, and then a solid week of trying to live a normal life.

 

Tuesday started out like the other days driving down PCH to Keck Medicine in Newport Beach.  We were on time, checked in at the front desk and was kindly reminded that the staff was running a little behind because of the holiday.  It was expected, doctors, nurses, and all support staff are humans, and I would hope they would be able to enjoy some aspect of their life outside of treating cancer patients.  Up to this point, the longest we had ever waited in the lobby was no more than 15-20 minutes, Tuesday, we had waited for an hour and forty-five minutes.  Already we were getting exhausted, and the procedure hadn’t even started.  No meetings with the oncologist scheduled this week, so no other updates from that front.

 

We finally get situated to our favorite “pod” where the process always starts with Lauren’s blood draw to go over her vitals and to make sure there aren’t any issues with her platelets and white blood cells that would prevent her from getting treatment. All results came back within an acceptable range. The new treatment plan is entirely different medication from the previous infusion. Lauren is now receiving intravenously Paclitaxel (Taxol) and Carboplatin, which according to the Mayo clinic, in laymen’s terms, they both state the following, “…belongs to the group of medicines called antineoplastics. It interferes with the growth of cancer cells, which are eventually destroyed.” Before the infusion of the two medications started, Lauren was given a syringe of Benadryl. One might ask why Benadryl? Apparently, the medications Lauren was about to receive may trigger some histamines in her body and good ole Benadryl to the rescue. As one nurse stated, “At least you’ll be able to relax because you were just slipped a Beny”. 🥴  The amount of fluids in the IV bags were significantly smaller, however the rate of flow the medicine was entering Lauren’s body was much slower than before. It was a seriously tiring and long day. We left our house at 9:45 AM and finally left the facility at around 4:45 PM. The drive home, Lauren was knocked out.

I have been keeping an eye on her as this round of treatment is new territory for me and for Lauren.  Lauren has been doing well, the fatigue is not as bad, but she does seem to be getting nauseous a bit more than the previous medication.  We have decided to certify our lovely bitch cat Zoey as a live in nurse.  I think I might fire her because she tends to sleep on the job a lot, shit in this funky box full of sand, and speak some language I can’t seem to understand.  She does seem to do a good job of begging for food, and we are both suckers that cave in.  We love her to death.

 

I can't believe mom put this horrible uniform on me.

Thank you again to all friends and family who check in on us, help us out with daily duties, and who constantly send their love and support.  We can’t thank you enough.

Love,

Chris (no seafood for me) 🤮

Happiness 6-27-2022

I was talking to a friend today and we were talking about how much our perspectives on life has changed. First, it made me happy that I’ve been able to change one woman’s life, to allow her to think differently, for herself, her kids and her family.  I won’t share who it was because the only thing that matters to her and I and really to this story is that our lives are forever changed with a new (or maybe just reminded and cherished) lease on life. So, it got me thinking, others should think about this too, so I’ll share with you the things I think about as I go through this and the general background of our conversation without getting into specifics. Please remember, these are the thoughts in my head and my feelings, sometimes they are gibberish but hopefully the point is understood.

First, life is short. I know that is cliche and very predictable to say, but it’s the truth. You’ve probably said this out loud to others at some point in your life, but to put it into perspective for how I think about it, just yesterday I met Chris at 17, I started my career at 24, got married at 28, today I’m 38, time flew.  And it flew by so fast that I lost track of all of the tiny little moments we’ve enjoyed over the years. Trips, dinners, experiences, etc - it’s all gone. I remember a lot of it, but what I now need to do is find ways to capture it - take more pictures, take more trips, enjoy more experiences, write it down and share it with others and most importantly not worry so much about what’s to come.  As I go through this I’m trying to remind myself of that - this will be done and in the past soon enough.  The heartache that I am putting my loved ones through, the shitty feelings/side effects of chemo, the countless jabs of a needle and anxiety of now will soon pass. All of this will be a distant memory and I’ll be beyond this and so will all of us.  As quick as life moves, I’m reminding myself to embrace it all and most importantly to start to think about how this experience has given me the opportunity to re-think how I want to live my life from here on out (and it’s also given my friend that opportunity too). 

For those that wonder how I am doing and check on me, I am doing good and truly happy!  Yeah, you probably thinking I’m crazy for saying that, especially coming from a girl who has Cancer and is going through chemotherapy and has surgeries coming in the near distant future, plus probably a lifetime of doctors appointments to monitor this stupid thing (Cancer is stupid) but it’ll be gone in no time and I can go about my days being with the ones I love and that it was I’m trying to remember and hold onto - that is the lesson for today, tomorrow and all the days to come - that I am genuinely happy with my life.  I appreciate it when someone thinks of me in their day to day, but what I appreciate more is that someone checks on Chris.  What’s the most important thing to me (aside from getting better) is my relationship with my husband. My life is important and I cherish it, but in terms of tangible things I can feel, it’s him, he makes me happy; we’ve always told each other the goal of life is to just be happy - happy with ourselves as individuals, happy with our life, happy as a couple.  This weekend we went for a ride in the Jeep, I cried tears of happiness because I was able to be with him, to feel fresh air on my face (and bald head 😂), and lastly (and short lived but its worth feeling and remembering) that I was going somewhere that wasn’t to a doctors appointment.  Chris has been my rock through all of this (and so much more in life), not only is he physically doing 90% of our household upkeep, but he contributes to my mental state, the voice in my head, the only person I allow to see every side of me. He comes to every doctors appointment, holds my hand the entire way and continues to remind me what love is, what our life is about and how to enjoy being here, in our home, that we’ve built together. So, that little Jeep ride this weekend is a memory and feeling I will cherish forever and those are the things that truly make me/us happy.  So, I say this to you because 1) I am doing good and I am still happy and 2) I just ask of you, when you think of me, think of Chris too because we are happy and know that this too will pass and be behind us! 

So, all in all, that’s my schpeal for the day. Hopefully it allows you to slow down and think about how you want to live your life - ignoring others opinions of you, the craziness of this world we live in, or the next thing on your to do list - just allowing yourself to be happy. And to my friend who has continued to check on me, thank you for sharing with me, for taking care of me and for listening to me - I’m glad I’ve been able to be apart of your journey as well. 

Lastly, to share updates about my Cancer, we met with Dr. Vandermolen today. He was pleased that the tumor can’t be measured anymore! So basically the chemo is breaking down the tumor, which is what we want. It’s not to say the Cancer is not there, but the chemo is breaking it down to the point that it is starting to dissolve, so we are making great progress and for that I’m grateful and happy.  My first treatment with the new meds starts next Tuesday, 7/5, where more dissolving of this stupid Cancer will commence.  For now, we probably won’t have any updates until next week - so enjoy your week and have a Happy 4th! 🎇🎆

Xo, all my love (and happiness to you),

Lauren

6-25-2022 Update - 25% Complete

Howdy everyone.  Lauren is now 25% done with treatment as Tuesday!

 

For those who have been keeping up with the treatment plan, infusion was once every two weeks, four sessions total, with two chemo medications (and a plethora of other meds to keep Lauren comfortable).  This 4^th treatment hit Lauren a bit harder as she was much more tired two days post treatment than she has experienced in previous infusions.  Other than that, side effects remained the same (nausea, fatigue, funny tastes, etc).

Lauren bringing the fashion to her chemo appointment with her Golden Goose glitter sneakers 🤗

Starting 7/5, Lauren’s treatment plan will done weekly, for 12 sessions.  From our understanding, the nurses and Dr. Vandermolen have told us that the first round of chemo medications that Lauren has completed were the toughest and that these two new chemo medications won’t put as much stress on the body, but they won’t make her feel any worse (or better), but things should just be more consistent, specifically with tiredness because there is no weekly break in between.  

 

We are both anxious to see how these next round of meds goes, as we’ve learned to adapt and adjust to the first round, so we’ll be monitoring and keeping track to see how the week of 7/5 turns out.  

 

Lauren met with the therapist again this past week, it’s been good for her because as much as family and friends and myself continue to give her positive feedback, it’s good for her to get an outside perspective on some of her worries.  The therapist feels that Lauren is doing great and will meet with her on an as needed basis versus regularly scheduled sessions.  Lauren recognizes a lot of her worries are fears of the unknown with each next chapter we face, so the meetings with the therapist will help to combat those fears, as they arise.  

 

We appreciate everyone’s willingness to read our blog and even inquire when we plan on updating it.  It’s heartwarming to hear when someone tells us that they’ve read the blog, so please continue to share with us if we’ve made you laugh, cry, or become more educated – as that is our goal and it helps us to continue to talk about this journey.

 

To make light of the situation regarding Lauren’s hair, and please note, I have permission to talk about it. 😁  She still might be beating me with total hair count on her head, but the chemo medication has done some strange things naturally.  She has a few patches of her natural darker colored hair, but looking at her head, she has a ton of what I call baby hair sprouting.  Now I’m not sure if those baby hairs fall out and regrow or what’s going on, but I told Lauren she’s channeling her grandfather’s exceptionally good looks, and this is a rebirth of what’s to come for her.  We are both curious to see what the next round of meds will do to the hair, and especially what her hair will be like when she is done with chemo, but for now, I call her ‘grandpa.’

 

Grandpa Phil.  Truly a great man, and truly missed.

Love,

 

Chris & Lauren