Happiness 6-27-2022

I was talking to a friend today and we were talking about how much our perspectives on life has changed. First, it made me happy that I’ve been able to change one woman’s life, to allow her to think differently, for herself, her kids and her family.  I won’t share who it was because the only thing that matters to her and I and really to this story is that our lives are forever changed with a new (or maybe just reminded and cherished) lease on life. So, it got me thinking, others should think about this too, so I’ll share with you the things I think about as I go through this and the general background of our conversation without getting into specifics. Please remember, these are the thoughts in my head and my feelings, sometimes they are gibberish but hopefully the point is understood.

First, life is short. I know that is cliche and very predictable to say, but it’s the truth. You’ve probably said this out loud to others at some point in your life, but to put it into perspective for how I think about it, just yesterday I met Chris at 17, I started my career at 24, got married at 28, today I’m 38, time flew.  And it flew by so fast that I lost track of all of the tiny little moments we’ve enjoyed over the years. Trips, dinners, experiences, etc - it’s all gone. I remember a lot of it, but what I now need to do is find ways to capture it - take more pictures, take more trips, enjoy more experiences, write it down and share it with others and most importantly not worry so much about what’s to come.  As I go through this I’m trying to remind myself of that - this will be done and in the past soon enough.  The heartache that I am putting my loved ones through, the shitty feelings/side effects of chemo, the countless jabs of a needle and anxiety of now will soon pass. All of this will be a distant memory and I’ll be beyond this and so will all of us.  As quick as life moves, I’m reminding myself to embrace it all and most importantly to start to think about how this experience has given me the opportunity to re-think how I want to live my life from here on out (and it’s also given my friend that opportunity too). 

For those that wonder how I am doing and check on me, I am doing good and truly happy!  Yeah, you probably thinking I’m crazy for saying that, especially coming from a girl who has Cancer and is going through chemotherapy and has surgeries coming in the near distant future, plus probably a lifetime of doctors appointments to monitor this stupid thing (Cancer is stupid) but it’ll be gone in no time and I can go about my days being with the ones I love and that it was I’m trying to remember and hold onto - that is the lesson for today, tomorrow and all the days to come - that I am genuinely happy with my life.  I appreciate it when someone thinks of me in their day to day, but what I appreciate more is that someone checks on Chris.  What’s the most important thing to me (aside from getting better) is my relationship with my husband. My life is important and I cherish it, but in terms of tangible things I can feel, it’s him, he makes me happy; we’ve always told each other the goal of life is to just be happy - happy with ourselves as individuals, happy with our life, happy as a couple.  This weekend we went for a ride in the Jeep, I cried tears of happiness because I was able to be with him, to feel fresh air on my face (and bald head 😂), and lastly (and short lived but its worth feeling and remembering) that I was going somewhere that wasn’t to a doctors appointment.  Chris has been my rock through all of this (and so much more in life), not only is he physically doing 90% of our household upkeep, but he contributes to my mental state, the voice in my head, the only person I allow to see every side of me. He comes to every doctors appointment, holds my hand the entire way and continues to remind me what love is, what our life is about and how to enjoy being here, in our home, that we’ve built together. So, that little Jeep ride this weekend is a memory and feeling I will cherish forever and those are the things that truly make me/us happy.  So, I say this to you because 1) I am doing good and I am still happy and 2) I just ask of you, when you think of me, think of Chris too because we are happy and know that this too will pass and be behind us! 

So, all in all, that’s my schpeal for the day. Hopefully it allows you to slow down and think about how you want to live your life - ignoring others opinions of you, the craziness of this world we live in, or the next thing on your to do list - just allowing yourself to be happy. And to my friend who has continued to check on me, thank you for sharing with me, for taking care of me and for listening to me - I’m glad I’ve been able to be apart of your journey as well. 

Lastly, to share updates about my Cancer, we met with Dr. Vandermolen today. He was pleased that the tumor can’t be measured anymore! So basically the chemo is breaking down the tumor, which is what we want. It’s not to say the Cancer is not there, but the chemo is breaking it down to the point that it is starting to dissolve, so we are making great progress and for that I’m grateful and happy.  My first treatment with the new meds starts next Tuesday, 7/5, where more dissolving of this stupid Cancer will commence.  For now, we probably won’t have any updates until next week - so enjoy your week and have a Happy 4th! 🎇🎆

Xo, all my love (and happiness to you),

Lauren

6-25-2022 Update - 25% Complete

Howdy everyone.  Lauren is now 25% done with treatment as Tuesday!

 

For those who have been keeping up with the treatment plan, infusion was once every two weeks, four sessions total, with two chemo medications (and a plethora of other meds to keep Lauren comfortable).  This 4^th treatment hit Lauren a bit harder as she was much more tired two days post treatment than she has experienced in previous infusions.  Other than that, side effects remained the same (nausea, fatigue, funny tastes, etc).

Lauren bringing the fashion to her chemo appointment with her Golden Goose glitter sneakers 🤗

Starting 7/5, Lauren’s treatment plan will done weekly, for 12 sessions.  From our understanding, the nurses and Dr. Vandermolen have told us that the first round of chemo medications that Lauren has completed were the toughest and that these two new chemo medications won’t put as much stress on the body, but they won’t make her feel any worse (or better), but things should just be more consistent, specifically with tiredness because there is no weekly break in between.  

 

We are both anxious to see how these next round of meds goes, as we’ve learned to adapt and adjust to the first round, so we’ll be monitoring and keeping track to see how the week of 7/5 turns out.  

 

Lauren met with the therapist again this past week, it’s been good for her because as much as family and friends and myself continue to give her positive feedback, it’s good for her to get an outside perspective on some of her worries.  The therapist feels that Lauren is doing great and will meet with her on an as needed basis versus regularly scheduled sessions.  Lauren recognizes a lot of her worries are fears of the unknown with each next chapter we face, so the meetings with the therapist will help to combat those fears, as they arise.  

 

We appreciate everyone’s willingness to read our blog and even inquire when we plan on updating it.  It’s heartwarming to hear when someone tells us that they’ve read the blog, so please continue to share with us if we’ve made you laugh, cry, or become more educated – as that is our goal and it helps us to continue to talk about this journey.

 

To make light of the situation regarding Lauren’s hair, and please note, I have permission to talk about it. 😁  She still might be beating me with total hair count on her head, but the chemo medication has done some strange things naturally.  She has a few patches of her natural darker colored hair, but looking at her head, she has a ton of what I call baby hair sprouting.  Now I’m not sure if those baby hairs fall out and regrow or what’s going on, but I told Lauren she’s channeling her grandfather’s exceptionally good looks, and this is a rebirth of what’s to come for her.  We are both curious to see what the next round of meds will do to the hair, and especially what her hair will be like when she is done with chemo, but for now, I call her ‘grandpa.’

 

Grandpa Phil.  Truly a great man, and truly missed.

Love,

 

Chris & Lauren

Brief update 6-20-2022

Howdy all.

It’s been a few weeks since we last updated the blog, so I thought it would be appropriate to post something today just so you all don’t think we’ve abandoned this blog.

 

May, June, and July are brutal months for the Yerkes household.  So many birthdays, holidays, family, etc. so we have been a little preoccupied.  Thank you again to all the birthday wishes, I’m truly humbled.

 

This morning, we both woke up thinking that today was going to be Lauren’s last biweekly infusion at the clinic, however we ran into a little snag that prevented anything from happening today.  I’m confident we have mentioned in a previous posting, but before Keck medicine does any injection or infusion of any medication, they always perform a blood panel to make sure Lauren’s numbers are within an acceptable range.  Today, her liver numbers were a little elevated, so they ultimately decided to postpone the chemo treatment until tomorrow, assuming her bloodwork comes back more normalized in the morning.

 

Lauren has been doing exceptionally well with chemo and she continues to have minimal side effects, but we are always on edge because we just don’t know if something may make her feel ill.  Her white blood counts were low last week, making her more susceptible to infections and ultimately brought her energy levels down, so we kept last week mellow but otherwise she’s been doing good considering.

 

We will meet with Dr. Vandermolen next week for another exam/measurement, we hope.  We met with the nurse last week and she mentioned that the current chemo meds Lauren is on are the toughest of all meds, so when Lauren moves to weekly treatments with a different set of meds, we are hoping things will be easier but then on the flip side since its weekly Lauren will just be more tired.

 

Overall, we are both just taking each day as it comes, we knew that there would be times where we’d walk in with one intention (like today) and come out with another, so we’ll just move through each day as it comes and trust the doctors and nurses are making the right call.  We’ll take today as a positive that 1) they were monitoring her and 2) that we get another day of Lauren feeling well and enjoy this VERY hot Monday!

 

We’ll share more soon, all my best,

 

Chris

Treatment #3 and Updates

Updates and Chemo #3 Down.

This past weekend was really nice. Saturday Chris turned 40 and we celebrated with 2 virtual wine tastings and a private chef at home. Sunday we went on a 3.5 mile walk, the most I’ve done at one time since treatment began (which was my average daily before treatment began but also wore me out). Relaxed throughout the day and ended the weekend with a ride in the Jeep to watch the sunset in Long Beach.

Health updates so far.

Friday night - Chris buzzed my head even more. Come to find a patchy leopard looking design on my head. This was quite shocking but I’ve gotten used to it now and am just accepting it. I’m sure the next phase will shock me again and I’ll get used to it again. You can call me patches or leopard for now, if you’d like.  It’s pretty wild how chemo works so quickly to tackle fast growing cells, like your hair (and tumor size, I’ll get to that in a minute). As you may recall, Thursday 5/26 was when Chris buzzed my head because it was falling out like crazy and then 8 days later another buzz to find all these patches, which have already grown since Thursday. Beanies and hats are definitely my outing head coverage of choice. 

Monday (yesterday) was treatment 3. My sister-in-law sat with me during this treatment, Chris got a little break and waited or us in the lobby! Thank you again for sitting with me yesterday, Jen!  Yesterday treatment was 3 bags of anti-nausea meds - 1 small tube, 1 small bag and 1 large bag. Funny side effect about these meds, they have to insert them slowly through the tube otherwise patients will get butthole burning…so thank you nurses for going slowly 😬🤣. Followed by what I have termed my 2 Jell-O shots (red tubes of chemo meds that make your pee orange, which then I say makes me a Unicorn 🦄) and then 1 large bag of another chemo med. Followed by 2 port flushes, one that makes the back of my throat very bitter. And 3.5 hours later I get to head home. I was really tired yesterday and of course lost all color in my face again, but had no other side effects. Unfortunately I notice that on treatment days as tired as I am, I have a very hard time sleeping.  

Yesterday also consisted of a visit with the oncologist, Dr. Vandermolen. We met with him briefly, he measured my tumor prior to treatment. It was measuring 2.5 x 2.5 cm back in April and now, after 2 rounds of chemo and 2 rounds of Keytruda the little sucker is 1.5 x 1.5 cm - which made him (and of course us) very pleased!! It’s still a long road ahead based on the type of cancer I have, so 13 rounds of chemo to go and a full year of Keytruda (the immunotherapy) but it’s necessary because again my cancer is easily escapable from the ducts so they want to ensure they catch any stragglers and kill them off. But, to hear that all of this is doing it’s job is wonderful news. 

Today I have my Neulasta shot and then hoping to be able to get some work done and take some naps. Staying strong and positive as much as I can and looking forward to meeting with the therapist on Thursday so I can work through all of these emotions. I try really hard to live as normal of a life as I can. The hard parts is not being able to floss my teeth, of course losing my hair, battling the ever changing food and tummy issues, oh and not being able to workout at the capacity I was - but I know in the end this is all temporary and for that I’m grateful. 

Thank you for checking on us and thinking of us often.

All my love,

Lauren